Thanking God for Difficult Conversations
by Colette Aikema
One of the best pieces of advice my reverend gave our church about gratitude occurred around Thanksgiving about a decade ago. He encouraged our church to keep a little list of the things we had asked God for. Then, throughout the year, he said, look it over and see how God has answered most – if not all – of your prayers specifically and deliberately. He said use the list to remind yourself about God’s presence in your life. I began to follow His advice and it continues to amaze me how much I can be thankful for.
One of the items on my “gratitude” list this year are the difficult conversations God has allowed me to have, especially as a speaker for Faith Beyond Belief. That may seem odd to say but the reason I can give thanks for difficult conversations is that they strengthen my faith that the Christian worldview is sustainable and defensible. They also give me a chance to show others the Good News. People, even those who aren’t Christians, are still interested in conversations because God endowed us with the desire to have them, even conversations about bad ideas. And in these difficult conversations, Christians can both speak about good news and model a godly character that reflects that good news.
I got a chance to put this into practice recently when I spoke at my Alma Mater, the University of Lethbridge. My talk was to a class of students who strongly opposed the Christian worldview on the topic of abortion. Abortion is a tough topic to talk about because emotions can get so high. But it also has some advantages. One of the reasons why I think it is a great issue to chat with non-believers about is because the truth of the Christian worldview is very clear. Even men and women who have grown up in a culture that hides the deadly reality of abortion behind euphemisms like ‘choice’, ‘reproductive rights’, and ‘bodily freedom’, can understand that human beings have human rights, even the tiniest among us.
Because of COVID, my talk was on Zoom. I encouraged the class to freely use the chat. As comments came in, I could see the way students became visibly upset at my words and presentation, shaking their heads, putting their palms up, looking down, shoulders hunched – a heavy burden on their shoulders. Shortly after I finished speaking there were already over fifty comments.
As the discussion unfolded, I started to hear resentment coming from the students about traditional families, such as families with young children, families with many children, or ‘undisciplined’ children. Their worldview, untethered to reality, led them to end up disliking children and hating parents who dared to have these kinds of families. My heart broke when I thought about the actual pain that simple words like ‘mother’ can cause them because their view of reality is so affected by secular views of gender, family and love that leave out God.
I was discouraged by the strong reaction at first until my loved ones pointed out what the Holy Spirit was doing in that virtual room. The minority of the students were loud and, I would argue, rightly upset about how I challenged their views. Knowing the injustice of abortion ought to make anyone upset. The majority of the students said nothing. Why is that a good sign, you might wonder? Silence is a sign of intellectual honesty and reflection. Students who did not react instantly were taking time to absorb, reflect, and try out the ideas that we gave them.
I was also able to use our conversations to point out problems with their secular worldview. For example, I taught them that when they call Christian parents ‘propagandists’ for thinking our view is right and morally superior, they are assuming that their view is right and is morally superior. When they accused me of pushing my views on them, I pointed out that by trying to change my mind they were pushing their views on me. I asked them, if it is wrong to force one’s view on another, why do they believe they have the right to do that to me? Because my tone was intellectually strong but gentle and respectful, I know many would respect me too, and maybe respect my ideas.
This is why I am thankful for hard discussions. Even though we were talking about one difficult issue, God used it to help reveal major faults in their secular worldview. God used me to speak to the silent majority who feelt – both consciously and subconsciously – the Holy Spirit move them, stirring in their hearts, minds, and innermost parts.
As you gather for Thanksgiving dinner, you may gather with family members or friends who may not agree with your views. They may be just as hostile to the biblical worldview as those students I spoke to and it may be tempting to just give up and avoid having difficult conversations. Are you ready to engage? Do we truly believe that what we believe is good news worth sharing?
If the thought of having hard conversations has scared you and held you back, we want you to be encouraged. God has carved out discussions for you in your everyday life. He tells us not to worry about what will happen when we start to talk about things that matter. Jesus Himself said in Luke 21:10-19 to expect opportunities to bear witness and that He will help us with those conversations. Jesus says in verses 14 and 15,
“Settle it therefore in your minds not to meditate beforehand how to answer, for I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict.”
The original translation of ‘meditate’ describes a state of worry, rumination, and fear. Instead of tearing ourselves apart thinking of the what ifs, we need to remember Jesus’ words, ‘I will give you a mouth’. If this Creator, Rescuer-God gifts us our mouths, we can trust that He will use our mouths for Him when it really matters.
Now that doesn’t mean all our conversations will be easy or that we don’t do our part. These conversations will be hard because of sin – our own, others’ sin, and the general fallen state of the world. But when we are working to walk and live in the truth that comes from the Holy Spirit as we meditate on His Scriptures, we need not be afraid of difficult conversations. Instead, we should surrender to the God who knows us in and out and wants to use us. That also means we don’t have to change minds on the spot. Rather, the Holy Spirit may use something we say, to convict the people we are talking to, after the conversation. This Thanksgiving, live out your thankfulness to God by being willing to talk about difficult things. I promise you, He will never let you down.
Christians need to stand strong. You can help them.